My personal story...
Growing up, I was always the big girl in class.
It was the unspoken (usually) fact that created a life-long battle with insecurity and lack of confidence, especially surrounding body image and personal relationships that I mostly kept to myself, but absolutely had a huge impact on defining my own self-image.
The struggle followed me through high school and college. And, for most of my adult life, I’ve landed squarely in the obese category according to the charts. As the years went on, a variety of factors brought me to the heaviest weight I had ever been.
… my work was leaving me more stressed, overworked and less and less fulfilled as I climbed the professional ladder.
…my 20+ year marriage was totally dysfunctional, unhappy and unhealthy.
…my daughter – my pride and joy – grew up right in the middle of all of it…and I was terrified I was totally failing as a parent.
…and, of course, my habits when it came to nutrition and fitness were just plain sad.
It was the unspoken (usually) fact that created a life-long battle with insecurity and lack of confidence, especially surrounding body image and personal relationships that I mostly kept to myself, but absolutely had a huge impact on defining my own self-image.
The struggle followed me through high school and college. And, for most of my adult life, I’ve landed squarely in the obese category according to the charts. As the years went on, a variety of factors brought me to the heaviest weight I had ever been.
… my work was leaving me more stressed, overworked and less and less fulfilled as I climbed the professional ladder.
…my 20+ year marriage was totally dysfunctional, unhappy and unhealthy.
…my daughter – my pride and joy – grew up right in the middle of all of it…and I was terrified I was totally failing as a parent.
…and, of course, my habits when it came to nutrition and fitness were just plain sad.
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Over the years, I had tried so many different diets, supplements, and programs.
Most didn't work at all. Some seemed to offer some temporary success, but never felt sustainable for the long term. I generally ended up feeling tired, hangry, and deprived. And, at some point, I would hit a hard plateau and all those feelings and frustrations made it too hard for me to stick with the program. A failure of my own willpower, I know. But I also know that I am not alone in that struggle. At a certain point, I had essentially given up trying to lose weight. The last true effort had been in 2012 and less than 5 years later, I was quickly approaching the RED on those charts…morbidly obese. I was 40 and experiencing a mid-life crisis of sorts. Things had to change. Academics and work had always been the areas of my life where I did have more confidence, so I started with my professional life. |
March 2013...In 2012, I hit my highest weight to date and we had a family cruise coming up. I did manage to lose about 20 pounds or so beforehand, but it wasn't in a healthy or sustainable way.
After the trip, it all came back...and then some.
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It took me a couple tries with the career, but I finally understood what I wanted and, perhaps more importantly, didn’t want in my work.
In 2018, I climbed right back down that professional ladder and took a pay cut to get back to working one on one with college students in a way that had me, once again, feeling fulfillment in my work. Check.
My personal life was another matter altogether.
Our marriage was very unhealthy for both my husband and I and, like my battle with weight, I had essentially given up. We had been on a hamster wheel of poor choices and communication for so long that neither one of us had any idea how to get off.
At this point, I thought there was only one resolution to this problem and for either of us to have a chance at happiness – divorce.
But, I didn’t want our daughter to live a life shuffled from one parent’s house to another, so told myself I would do my best to deal until she was grown and flown.
In January 2021, my husband pushed the envelope. He named the elephant in the room.
“Are you just waiting until she moves out to get a divorce.”
BOOM!
While the word had come up in previous fights over the years, it was never a direct question in this way and I couldn’t deny it.
“Yes…I want a divorce.”
I didn’t know it at the time, but that was the moment. That was the moment when everything was about to change…but not at all how I expected.
After the dust settled a bit...we started talking.
We started talking in a way that we never had before because we had hit rock bottom, right? There was no longer a reason for half-truths, full-on lies or walls to hide behind because we were about to move on…right?
Initially, I think we both saw these conversations…or at least I know I did…as closure conversations.
In 2018, I climbed right back down that professional ladder and took a pay cut to get back to working one on one with college students in a way that had me, once again, feeling fulfillment in my work. Check.
My personal life was another matter altogether.
Our marriage was very unhealthy for both my husband and I and, like my battle with weight, I had essentially given up. We had been on a hamster wheel of poor choices and communication for so long that neither one of us had any idea how to get off.
At this point, I thought there was only one resolution to this problem and for either of us to have a chance at happiness – divorce.
But, I didn’t want our daughter to live a life shuffled from one parent’s house to another, so told myself I would do my best to deal until she was grown and flown.
In January 2021, my husband pushed the envelope. He named the elephant in the room.
“Are you just waiting until she moves out to get a divorce.”
BOOM!
While the word had come up in previous fights over the years, it was never a direct question in this way and I couldn’t deny it.
“Yes…I want a divorce.”
I didn’t know it at the time, but that was the moment. That was the moment when everything was about to change…but not at all how I expected.
After the dust settled a bit...we started talking.
We started talking in a way that we never had before because we had hit rock bottom, right? There was no longer a reason for half-truths, full-on lies or walls to hide behind because we were about to move on…right?
Initially, I think we both saw these conversations…or at least I know I did…as closure conversations.
A few photos from the 2016-2020 range...when I hit a new high in weight category. Photos of me are actually pretty rare during this time as I generally tried to avoid the camera by being the photographer...and not the one photographed.
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But…in each of us telling our own truth and nothing but the whole truth…we were finally able to see each other’s truth in a whole new and different light.
Now, this isn’t to say that either of our previous decisions, actions, or behaviors were right or okay, but I think we each finally found an understanding of what drove the other person’s actions or behaviors. Suddenly, what was right or wrong didn’t matter so much anymore. Who was right or wrong or justified or unjustified didn’t matter so much anymore. After a few weeks in this new and interesting place of conversation, I discovered there WAS still love where I thought there had been none left…it had simply been well buried for a very long time. Together, we decided to try again…at the same time and 100% ALL IN. No one foot in…one foot out. I think we both just felt that even if it still didn’t work out, we owed it to each other to give it a TRUE try. What has happened since that time still often has me shaking my head. It wasn’t instantaneous. In the weeks and months that followed, I know we both had our doubts. But, we stayed in it. |
We were both still dealing with our own insecurities.
But we stayed in it.
We both wondered when the bubble was going to burst.
But, we stayed in it.
I think we each STILL have those moments from time to time…but with MUCH LESS FREQUENCY and slowly, those doubts and insecurities have diminished, and that space is replaced by a growing sense of hope and a greater sense of positive possibility as a couple…as a team.
And that’s where we are now.
We talk, we legitimately want to spend time together and look forward the new experiences that the future can bring. I can honestly say that we are closer now than we have ever been on every level.
Our daughter, by the way, is now grown and flown.
She certainly went through her own set of teenage challenges, which I am sure was not helped by parents who were unhappy and not always as present as they should have been.
But, I’m happy to say that she made it through some turbulent times when some others didn’t and she has come out to be a strong, resilient and passionate young woman.
And, while we might be more than a little late in showing her what a healthy relationship looks like, I hope we’re doing a better job of it now.
But we stayed in it.
We both wondered when the bubble was going to burst.
But, we stayed in it.
I think we each STILL have those moments from time to time…but with MUCH LESS FREQUENCY and slowly, those doubts and insecurities have diminished, and that space is replaced by a growing sense of hope and a greater sense of positive possibility as a couple…as a team.
And that’s where we are now.
We talk, we legitimately want to spend time together and look forward the new experiences that the future can bring. I can honestly say that we are closer now than we have ever been on every level.
Our daughter, by the way, is now grown and flown.
She certainly went through her own set of teenage challenges, which I am sure was not helped by parents who were unhappy and not always as present as they should have been.
But, I’m happy to say that she made it through some turbulent times when some others didn’t and she has come out to be a strong, resilient and passionate young woman.
And, while we might be more than a little late in showing her what a healthy relationship looks like, I hope we’re doing a better job of it now.
From July 2021 to March 2022
Now, back to the common thread throughout it all…the weight.
In the months following the renewed effort in my marriage and as hope of a real reconciliation grew, I started to have renewed hope once again that another form of transformation might actually be possible, too.
Losing weight, improving my health and my own body image would not only help me personally, but I knew that it could have some real and positive benefits for my life in general.
I was all in now, right?
It was time to try again.
For a few months, I worked primarily on nutrition and light exercise (mainly some walking) and did make some headway, but it was very slow…a few pounds in a few months.
It was progress, but over that time, I had started looking into programs and plans again for something NEW that might help support the process in a sustainable way.
Early on, I discovered Truvy. I was skeptical, but decided to give it a try towards the end of July 2021.
It didn’t take long before I realized that Truvy was different than anything I had ever tried before.
I had MORE energy and my cravings and appetite in general were CURBED! All without having to completely cut out the foods I loved!
Truvy was proving to be the perfect weight loss side kick to fit into my very busy life. At the time, I was working a full-time job, a part-time job, working on a master's degree AND working on my marriage! Truvy took the ‘edge’ off trying to lose weight in a way that allowed me to focus on building the positive daily habits that really mattered…things like getting more water daily for the hydration my body needed and eating more healthy, whole foods and less of the unhealthy, processed foods that had been a staple for too long.
After a year of using Truvy, I’m down over 50 pounds and 7 inches off my waist alone.
I am still on the journey. I am not at my goal weight yet.
And, I am staying in it.
As of this writing, I have around 25-30 to go, but for the first time in my life, I feel confident that I can and will get there with some patience, persistence and Truvy at my side. I already feel better physically and have a better self-image about my body than I did at times of my life when perhaps I even weighed less than I do right now.
This journey is no longer JUST about the weight…it’s about a total shift in mindset.
In the months following the renewed effort in my marriage and as hope of a real reconciliation grew, I started to have renewed hope once again that another form of transformation might actually be possible, too.
Losing weight, improving my health and my own body image would not only help me personally, but I knew that it could have some real and positive benefits for my life in general.
I was all in now, right?
It was time to try again.
For a few months, I worked primarily on nutrition and light exercise (mainly some walking) and did make some headway, but it was very slow…a few pounds in a few months.
It was progress, but over that time, I had started looking into programs and plans again for something NEW that might help support the process in a sustainable way.
Early on, I discovered Truvy. I was skeptical, but decided to give it a try towards the end of July 2021.
It didn’t take long before I realized that Truvy was different than anything I had ever tried before.
I had MORE energy and my cravings and appetite in general were CURBED! All without having to completely cut out the foods I loved!
Truvy was proving to be the perfect weight loss side kick to fit into my very busy life. At the time, I was working a full-time job, a part-time job, working on a master's degree AND working on my marriage! Truvy took the ‘edge’ off trying to lose weight in a way that allowed me to focus on building the positive daily habits that really mattered…things like getting more water daily for the hydration my body needed and eating more healthy, whole foods and less of the unhealthy, processed foods that had been a staple for too long.
After a year of using Truvy, I’m down over 50 pounds and 7 inches off my waist alone.
I am still on the journey. I am not at my goal weight yet.
And, I am staying in it.
As of this writing, I have around 25-30 to go, but for the first time in my life, I feel confident that I can and will get there with some patience, persistence and Truvy at my side. I already feel better physically and have a better self-image about my body than I did at times of my life when perhaps I even weighed less than I do right now.
This journey is no longer JUST about the weight…it’s about a total shift in mindset.
No more camera-shy for this girl! In July, I asked a good friend of mine to take some pics of me. I bought a new outfit and even had my hair and makeup done. I've NEVER had my makeup done. It was so much fun!! Just one more step in my journey with Truvy! Photo credits: Amy Bailey of A. Bailey Creative Designs |
Remember, that mid-life crisis I mentioned?
Truthfully, I am so grateful that it happened. It spurred a series of events that would have never happened had I continued to ‘deal’…had I continued to pretend satisfaction with the status quo that had become my life. Even the writing of this story has been healing. In many ways, I hit rock-bottom and now, I feel like it’s all #lifeontheincline from here…even in my late 40’s. Does any part of my story resonate with you? It’s NEVER too late to become a happier and healthier you. The best time to start was perhaps a long time ago, but the next best time in NOW. Any time that you spend what-iffing the past only limits the potential of the what-ifs of your future. Focus on your future what-ifs… My story went from working on resolving my work (A), my marriage (B) and then my health (C). This resolving is a continuous process and takes continuous effort. Maybe you, too, have multiple areas of your life that need some transformation. What’s your A…B…C? The order of action taken doesn’t matter. Often, one positive transformational action leads to other transformational action. All that matters is that you take the that first step to challenge your status quo, take the first step with one transformational action and… |
